1.
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregationEveryone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calm
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregationEveryone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calm
2.
A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night:
He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.
He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one ont
A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night:
He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.
He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one ont
3.
The phone rings at the local police station.
“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Craig.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, policemen descend on the neighbor’s house.
Th
The phone rings at the local police station.
“Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Craig.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, policemen descend on the neighbor’s house.
Th
4.
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
5.
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His fat
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His fat
6.
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I've never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.“No, I've
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I've never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.“No, I've
7.
Sometimes, if you really really want something, you’ve just got to keep trying until you get it.
No matter what your goals, you have to push boundaries and excel yourself to achieve anything.
But, does that apply to children? What if you really want
Sometimes, if you really really want something, you’ve just got to keep trying until you get it.
No matter what your goals, you have to push boundaries and excel yourself to achieve anything.
But, does that apply to children? What if you really want
8.
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.”
intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. ” i found a phone in the priests room.”
said the first nun.
“oh thats nothing said the second one, i found c*ndo
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.”
intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. ” i found a phone in the priests room.”
said the first nun.
“oh thats nothing said the second one, i found c*ndo
9.
A man in Sydney walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuceThe boy working in the produce department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.The man was insistent that the boy ask the manage
A man in Sydney walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuceThe boy working in the produce department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.The man was insistent that the boy ask the manage
10.
A monk and a priest are driving down a street in different directions.
Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.
They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.
But since both of them are men of God, they began to t
A monk and a priest are driving down a street in different directions.
Oddly enough, they end up getting into a crash.
They both get out of their cars, infuriated that there had been a wreck.
But since both of them are men of God, they began to t
11.
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:My son
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:My son
12.
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in RomeThe Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers.“What is that phone for?” he asks the pontiff.“It's my direct line to the Lord!”The Rabbi is skeptical
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in RomeThe Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers.“What is that phone for?” he asks the pontiff.“It's my direct line to the Lord!”The Rabbi is skeptical
13.
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said,“We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute.Insurance doesn't work
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said,“We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute.Insurance doesn't work
14.
A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.“Now, classObserve closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm fir
A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.“Now, classObserve closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm fir
15.
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.”When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchenAlmost immediately
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.”When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchenAlmost immediately
16.
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” Th
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” Th
17.
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop..Right away they go over to the bird section.Gerry says to Paddy, “That's them”.The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them.“Yeah, we'll take four of the birds in that cage up there,” says Gerry“Put them in a paper
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop..Right away they go over to the bird section.Gerry says to Paddy, “That's them”.The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them.“Yeah, we'll take four of the birds in that cage up there,” says Gerry“Put them in a paper
18.
Three house pets- a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat–all die and go to heaven.As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.God turns to the golden retriever and says“The
Three house pets- a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat–all die and go to heaven.As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.God turns to the golden retriever and says“The
19.
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so pricelessand so easy to see happening – customer service, being what it is today!A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February andMarch for their annual service charges
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so pricelessand so easy to see happening – customer service, being what it is today!A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February andMarch for their annual service charges
20.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
21.
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog
22.
Paddy's friend is hit by a car so he phones for an ambulance.Paddy: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broke.'Operator: ‘What's your location sir?'Paddy: ‘Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street …'O
Paddy's friend is hit by a car so he phones for an ambulance.Paddy: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broke.'Operator: ‘What's your location sir?'Paddy: ‘Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street …'O
23.
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking marijuana and appeared in court.
The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, I’d like to give you a second chance.
I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug us
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking marijuana and appeared in court.
The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, I’d like to give you a second chance.
I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug us
24.
They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity,God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish.The first nun said with a blush, “This is slightly embarrassing, but I ha
They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity,God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish.The first nun said with a blush, “This is slightly embarrassing, but I ha
25.
The Devil invites Mike Tyson to hell one day to enjoy himself.He had guests over and he thought they'd like reveling over a background where a person goes around knocking over the residents of hell down.They apparently did not seem to enjoy themselves ove
The Devil invites Mike Tyson to hell one day to enjoy himself.He had guests over and he thought they'd like reveling over a background where a person goes around knocking over the residents of hell down.They apparently did not seem to enjoy themselves ove
26.
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
‘What was that for?’ he asked.
‘That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,’
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
‘What was that for?’ he asked.
‘That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,’
27.
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
Ole and Sven go out squirrel hunting one afternoon.Ole needs to toss a whizz so he steps behind a tree to take care of business.All the sudden Sven hears a bone-chilling cry.He checks on his best friend Ole and there he is, lying on the ground.“Sven, a ra
28.
I was looking for my keysThey were not in my pocketsA quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the carFrantically, I headed for the car park.My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
I was looking for my keysThey were not in my pocketsA quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the carFrantically, I headed for the car park.My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
29.
Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.
When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
We will do that for you, said one of the younger men.
But do you mind if it passes t
Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.
When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
We will do that for you, said one of the younger men.
But do you mind if it passes t
30.
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
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