1.
A young man was getting ready to graduate collegeFor many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.As Graduation Day approached, the young man awai
A young man was getting ready to graduate collegeFor many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.As Graduation Day approached, the young man awai
2.
The first guy goes in and kicks as., best job interview he's ever done in his lifeEnd of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don't have any EARS, man!”“I'm sorry
The first guy goes in and kicks as., best job interview he's ever done in his lifeEnd of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don't have any EARS, man!”“I'm sorry
3.
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
4.
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day.
The man looks over at his wife and says: “Your butt is getting really big I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.”
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and me
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day.
The man looks over at his wife and says: “Your butt is getting really big I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.”
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and me
5.
An old couple took an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.
She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn’t have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
“Monday’s the best night w
An old couple took an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.
She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn’t have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
“Monday’s the best night w
6.
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.“I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menuJust bring me a dirty fork from a previous customerI'll smell it and
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.“I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menuJust bring me a dirty fork from a previous customerI'll smell it and
7.
One of the priests said, “Sometimes it feels like such a burden to always be the one who listens to other people's problems – I can only talk about my sins with the bishop, and he just visits once a year…”The others nodded in agreementSuddenly, one of the
One of the priests said, “Sometimes it feels like such a burden to always be the one who listens to other people's problems – I can only talk about my sins with the bishop, and he just visits once a year…”The others nodded in agreementSuddenly, one of the
8.
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.“I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menuJust bring me a dirty fork from a previous customerI'll smell it and
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.“I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menuJust bring me a dirty fork from a previous customerI'll smell it and
9.
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.They've got the whole thing a.s-backwards.Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You sh
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.They've got the whole thing a.s-backwards.Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You sh
10.
One evening, a beautiful 17 year old daughter came home, feeling slightly worried.
Her dad noticed that something was wrong, and repeatedly asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about.
Finally, the daughter revealed what had been bother
One evening, a beautiful 17 year old daughter came home, feeling slightly worried.
Her dad noticed that something was wrong, and repeatedly asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about.
Finally, the daughter revealed what had been bother
11.
A woman and baby are in the doctors surgery,the doc is concerned about the baby's weight,“Is he bottle fed or breast fed? The woman replies, “Breast fed.” The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her fronts.He pinches her nips and suc
A woman and baby are in the doctors surgery,the doc is concerned about the baby's weight,“Is he bottle fed or breast fed? The woman replies, “Breast fed.” The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her fronts.He pinches her nips and suc
12.
A seven years old and a four years old kids are upstairs in their bedroom.“You know what?”, says the seven years old, “I think it's about time we started swearing.”The four years old nods his head in approval.“When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna
A seven years old and a four years old kids are upstairs in their bedroom.“You know what?”, says the seven years old, “I think it's about time we started swearing.”The four years old nods his head in approval.“When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna
13.
A water bearer in India had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk
A water bearer in India had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk
14.
A man is talking to the family doctor:,..
“Doctor, I think my wife is going deaf.”
The doctor answers:,..
“Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing.
Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question.
If she doesn
A man is talking to the family doctor:,..
“Doctor, I think my wife is going deaf.”
The doctor answers:,..
“Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing.
Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question.
If she doesn
15.
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day.That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of a ten point buck.“Where's Henry?”“Henry had a stroke of some kindHe's a couple of miles back up the trail
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day.That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of a ten point buck.“Where's Henry?”“Henry had a stroke of some kindHe's a couple of miles back up the trail
16.
A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photogra
A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photogra
17.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then give the lemon to a patronAnyone who could squeeze another drop of juice out would win the money.Many people tried but nobody was able to do it.One day a scrawny, little ma
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then give the lemon to a patronAnyone who could squeeze another drop of juice out would win the money.Many people tried but nobody was able to do it.One day a scrawny, little ma
18.
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.As the bartender gives her the drink she says,“I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today…”The bartender says,“Well since it's your birthday, I'll buy
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.As the bartender gives her the drink she says,“I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today…”The bartender says,“Well since it's your birthday, I'll buy
19.
I was sitting at a bar when a man walked in.
The bartender pointed at the seat next to me and said “Hey Jackass! Sit here.” The man sat down.
Then the bartender asked, “What do you want to drink, Jackass?” The man ordered a beer.
A little later,
I was sitting at a bar when a man walked in.
The bartender pointed at the seat next to me and said “Hey Jackass! Sit here.” The man sat down.
Then the bartender asked, “What do you want to drink, Jackass?” The man ordered a beer.
A little later,
20.
Six engineers and six mathematicians are attending a conference and are traveling by train.One by one, each of the mathematicians goes up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to the conferenceBut only one of the engineers doesThe math majors started la
Six engineers and six mathematicians are attending a conference and are traveling by train.One by one, each of the mathematicians goes up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to the conferenceBut only one of the engineers doesThe math majors started la
21.
After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,
After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,
22.
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
23.
John was sitting outside his local pub one day…
… enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking
John was sitting outside his local pub one day…
… enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking
24.
… and there's a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table.He's been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn't have the courage to start talking to her.Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the m
… and there's a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table.He's been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn't have the courage to start talking to her.Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the m
25.
A young seminary student went home for Christmas break.A horrible snowstorm stranded the regular minister in another town.The leaders of the congregation asked the young man to substitute for the regular minister.The young preacher started his sermon by e
A young seminary student went home for Christmas break.A horrible snowstorm stranded the regular minister in another town.The leaders of the congregation asked the young man to substitute for the regular minister.The young preacher started his sermon by e
26.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom.
Mother is on top of father.
Suddenly the son enters the bedroom.
Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says,
“I’ll tell you about wh
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom.
Mother is on top of father.
Suddenly the son enters the bedroom.
Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says,
“I’ll tell you about wh
27.
An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations.
He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the l
An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations.
He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the l
28.
Three drunken guys entered a taxi after a heavy night of drinking.
Immediately realizing that the men were inebriated,…
Cab driver quickly thought up a plan to get rid of them.
He started the engine, turned it off again and said:
“We have reac
Three drunken guys entered a taxi after a heavy night of drinking.
Immediately realizing that the men were inebriated,…
Cab driver quickly thought up a plan to get rid of them.
He started the engine, turned it off again and said:
“We have reac
29.
A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet.He held up a sign which said: “I am blind, please help.”There were only a few coins in the hat. A man was walking by.He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat.He th
A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet.He held up a sign which said: “I am blind, please help.”There were only a few coins in the hat. A man was walking by.He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat.He th
30.
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
The policeman approaches the driver's door.“Is there a problem, Officer?”The policeman says, “Sir, you were speedingCan I see your licence please?”The driver responds, “I'd give it to you but I don't have one.”“You don't have one?”The man responds, “I los
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