1.
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying a bill,
so he asked his BLONDE secretary for some mathematical help.
“If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14% how much would you take off?” he asked her.
The secretary replied, “Everything but
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying a bill,
so he asked his BLONDE secretary for some mathematical help.
“If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14% how much would you take off?” he asked her.
The secretary replied, “Everything but
2.
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 betThe bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patronAnyone who could squeeze one more drop
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 betThe bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patronAnyone who could squeeze one more drop
3.
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up
4.
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
5.
Four affluent fathers meet up for their yearly golf match with each otherAs fathers tend to do, they all start bragging about their children.The first father brags, “My son is a successful real estate agent! He's so successful, he gave a beautiful house
Four affluent fathers meet up for their yearly golf match with each otherAs fathers tend to do, they all start bragging about their children.The first father brags, “My son is a successful real estate agent! He's so successful, he gave a beautiful house
6.
A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bartender “If I impress you, can I have a free drink?” The bartender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano.
He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano.
A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bartender “If I impress you, can I have a free drink?” The bartender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano.
He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano.
7.
A pastor, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the enti
A pastor, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the enti
8.
The owner tells him he has good news and bad news.“The good news is that a man dropped by the studio today and put in an offer to buy every single piece. He just wanted my guarantee that the works would be worth twice what he paid if you were to pass awa
The owner tells him he has good news and bad news.“The good news is that a man dropped by the studio today and put in an offer to buy every single piece. He just wanted my guarantee that the works would be worth twice what he paid if you were to pass awa
9.
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said,
“For being such an exemplary married couple and fo
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said,
“For being such an exemplary married couple and fo
10.
A young man was getting ready to graduate collegeFor many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.As Graduation Day approached, the young man awai
A young man was getting ready to graduate collegeFor many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.As Graduation Day approached, the young man awai
11.
Paddy was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with,“Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the Paddy from the witness stand
Paddy was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuitThe prosecutor opened his questioning with,“Where were you the night of August 24th?”“Objection!” said the defense attorney“Irrelevant!”“Oh, that's okay,” said the Paddy from the witness stand
12.
One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone.
In a worried state, she awakens her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there’s the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocio
One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone.
In a worried state, she awakens her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there’s the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocio
13.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te
14.
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.After a few minutes, Larry asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”His father replied
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.After a few minutes, Larry asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”His father replied
15.
A man is talking to the family doctor:,..
“Doctor, I think my wife is going deaf.”
The doctor answers:,..
“Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing.
Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question.
If she doesn
A man is talking to the family doctor:,..
“Doctor, I think my wife is going deaf.”
The doctor answers:,..
“Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing.
Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question.
If she doesn
16.
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gu
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gu
17.
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber… He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,”You died in your sleep Ralph.” Ralph was stunned.
“I’m dead?No I can’t be! I’ve got too much
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber… He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,”You died in your sleep Ralph.” Ralph was stunned.
“I’m dead?No I can’t be! I’ve got too much
18.
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, “Do you know her?”“Yes,” sighs the husband.“She's my ex-wife.She took to drinking right after we divorced seven
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, “Do you know her?”“Yes,” sighs the husband.“She's my ex-wife.She took to drinking right after we divorced seven
19.
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away.
It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing.
The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temp
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away.
It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing.
The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temp
20.
An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said:
Butter – 10 francs.
In respo
An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said:
Butter – 10 francs.
In respo
21.
The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”The man replies, “And how would you do that?”The woman says, “Just wait and see.”She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”The woman replies, “I'm
The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”The man replies, “And how would you do that?”The woman says, “Just wait and see.”She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”The woman replies, “I'm
22.
I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age he says to the doc. There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing, explains the doctor simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn't hear you, m
I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age he says to the doc. There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing, explains the doctor simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn't hear you, m
23.
Six engineers and six mathematicians are attending a conference and are traveling by train.One by one, each of the mathematicians goes up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to the conferenceBut only one of the engineers doesThe math majors started la
Six engineers and six mathematicians are attending a conference and are traveling by train.One by one, each of the mathematicians goes up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to the conferenceBut only one of the engineers doesThe math majors started la
24.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, “What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?”“Well…” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, “What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?”“Well…” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and
25.
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company.On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself.The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card,So later he could remember how his
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company.On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself.The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card,So later he could remember how his
26.
A son took his old father to a restaurant for an evening dinner.
Father being very old and weak, while eating, dropped food on his shirt and trousers.
Other diners watched him in disgust while his son was calm.
After he finished eating, his son w
A son took his old father to a restaurant for an evening dinner.
Father being very old and weak, while eating, dropped food on his shirt and trousers.
Other diners watched him in disgust while his son was calm.
After he finished eating, his son w
27.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsorin
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsorin
28.
Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children, then Ted died of Heart Disease:Judy married again and she and Bob had 7 more children.Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later:Again Judy remarried and this time she and John had 5 more childrenJudy fin
Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children, then Ted died of Heart Disease:Judy married again and she and Bob had 7 more children.Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later:Again Judy remarried and this time she and John had 5 more childrenJudy fin
29.
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
30.
One night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames.The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the c
One night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames.The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the c