1.
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.“Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer.”“Then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.“Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer.”“Then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish
2.
Fred was very old, sick, and doctors said he would not l and dying.There was an elderly man at home in his bed, dying.He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking in the kitchen downstairs, and he wanted one last cookie before he die
Fred was very old, sick, and doctors said he would not l and dying.There was an elderly man at home in his bed, dying.He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking in the kitchen downstairs, and he wanted one last cookie before he die
3.
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him.“WelcomeYou are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully.”Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, “Who really shot Kennedy?”God replies, “Lee Harvey Oswald
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him.“WelcomeYou are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully.”Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, “Who really shot Kennedy?”God replies, “Lee Harvey Oswald
4.
A woman walks into the City Centralist office, trailed by 15 kids .. “WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?”
“Yeah, they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says
A woman walks into the City Centralist office, trailed by 15 kids .. “WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?”
“Yeah, they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says
5.
I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and
killed devil itself…
my wife rushes through the room and shouts…
“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK
I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and
killed devil itself…
my wife rushes through the room and shouts…
“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK
6.
A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”
“No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?”
His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist.
He told me to
A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”
“No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?”
His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist.
He told me to
7.
A young man walks into a supermarket and buys a bar of soap, a toothbrush, toothpaste,a loaf of bread, a container of milk, two boxes of cereal and a frozen dinner.The girl at the cash register looks at him and says “Single, huh?”The man replies very sarc
A young man walks into a supermarket and buys a bar of soap, a toothbrush, toothpaste,a loaf of bread, a container of milk, two boxes of cereal and a frozen dinner.The girl at the cash register looks at him and says “Single, huh?”The man replies very sarc
8.
A mother was driving home from the shops when she decided to stop by at her son and daughter-in-law's house.She knocked on the door, there was no answer.She tried the door, which was unlocked, so she decided to walk in.She was shocked to see her daughter-
A mother was driving home from the shops when she decided to stop by at her son and daughter-in-law's house.She knocked on the door, there was no answer.She tried the door, which was unlocked, so she decided to walk in.She was shocked to see her daughter-
9.
The young wife went into labor while her husband was overseas serving in the war.The next day he got the news that his wife had delivered twins.He got to a phone and called her right away.“Oh honey, I'm so happy,” he said“Who took you to the hospital?”“Yo
The young wife went into labor while her husband was overseas serving in the war.The next day he got the news that his wife had delivered twins.He got to a phone and called her right away.“Oh honey, I'm so happy,” he said“Who took you to the hospital?”“Yo
10.
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.Ma says,“Why don't you go ask the young
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.Ma says,“Why don't you go ask the young
11.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,“If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks,“Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,“If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks,“Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like
12.
A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce.The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.Walking i
A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce.The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.Walking i
13.
“My life is a mess,” he says“My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I'm as jittery as a cat.”“Just the other day the postman almost ran me over, I was chased by the neighbor's cat, and then the paperboy managed to hit me with his p
“My life is a mess,” he says“My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I'm as jittery as a cat.”“Just the other day the postman almost ran me over, I was chased by the neighbor's cat, and then the paperboy managed to hit me with his p
14.
Two men were talking about a friend who had recently passed away.
“By the time Jack died, he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm.”
“Where did they bury him?'”
“They didn’t bury him — he was recycled!”
Two men were talking about a friend who had recently passed away.
“By the time Jack died, he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm.”
“Where did they bury him?'”
“They didn’t bury him — he was recycled!”
15.
A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bedShe puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of himHe appears to be deep in thought, just stari
A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bedShe puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of himHe appears to be deep in thought, just stari
16.
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
17.
An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said:
Butter – 10 francs.
In respo
An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said:
Butter – 10 francs.
In respo
18.
One day a hare met a tortoiseShe made fun of slow pace of the tortoise and said,“You have as many legs as I have but I am sure, you cannot run as fast as I canMost probably you can't run at all”.The tortoise became very angryHe answered quietly, “You can
One day a hare met a tortoiseShe made fun of slow pace of the tortoise and said,“You have as many legs as I have but I am sure, you cannot run as fast as I canMost probably you can't run at all”.The tortoise became very angryHe answered quietly, “You can
19.
An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough.He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.He goes home
An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough.He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.He goes home
20.
A little Johnny hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means.
His father is quite shocked, and replies,
“Well, uh… you go there to…have a good time.”
The little Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go th
A little Johnny hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means.
His father is quite shocked, and replies,
“Well, uh… you go there to…have a good time.”
The little Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go th
21.
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
22.
The detective walks around the scene and writes in his little bookThey turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush.They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked.They call the police and as they wait, they dec
The detective walks around the scene and writes in his little bookThey turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush.They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked.They call the police and as they wait, they dec
23.
Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders.“I want a baby more than anything in the world,” said the first, “But I guess it is impossible.”“I used to feel just the same way,” said the second“But then eve
Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders.“I want a baby more than anything in the world,” said the first, “But I guess it is impossible.”“I used to feel just the same way,” said the second“But then eve
24.
He was hooked on trees his whole life.2Why was Santa's little helper depressed?Because he had very low elf esteem.3What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?Hits a gnome and runs.4What do you call a broke Santa Claus?Saint-nickel-less.5. What do you cal
He was hooked on trees his whole life.2Why was Santa's little helper depressed?Because he had very low elf esteem.3What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?Hits a gnome and runs.4What do you call a broke Santa Claus?Saint-nickel-less.5. What do you cal
25.
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
26.
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,…waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight,..and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fe
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,…waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight,..and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fe
27.
Jonny went to school one day and later that day his dad got a call
saying he needs to pick up his son because he had had s*x with a teacher.
When Jonny got home his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike.
When they bought
Jonny went to school one day and later that day his dad got a call
saying he needs to pick up his son because he had had s*x with a teacher.
When Jonny got home his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike.
When they bought
28.
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him of the shoulder to get his attention.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate-gla
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him of the shoulder to get his attention.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate-gla
29.
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.Turning to the man next to him he said, “I forgot my teeth!”The man said, “No pro
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.Turning to the man next to him he said, “I forgot my teeth!”The man said, “No pro
30.
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.CEO's are now playing miniature golf.Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.I saw a Mormon with only one wife.McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.Parents in B
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.CEO's are now playing miniature golf.Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.I saw a Mormon with only one wife.McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.Parents in B
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