1.
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.The wife decided to take the
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.The wife decided to take the
2.
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal*Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.The w
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple that drove their car to Wal*Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.The w
3.
Phillip opened the back door to go turn off the light, but he then saw that there were 3 men breaking into his garage.He called the police and said, “Get over here quickly, there's 3 burglars trying to break into my garage on Maple Drive!”The dispatcher r
Phillip opened the back door to go turn off the light, but he then saw that there were 3 men breaking into his garage.He called the police and said, “Get over here quickly, there's 3 burglars trying to break into my garage on Maple Drive!”The dispatcher r
4.
Three brothers each marry a woman.The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.” He didn't see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and
Three brothers each marry a woman.The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.” He didn't see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and
5.
The pilot announced, “Uh, Folks, we just experienced some turbulence, which caused some engine troubles on our left wing. Luckily, this jet is equipped with 4 engines, and we still have 3 functional engines! Because of the engine issues we will be arriv
The pilot announced, “Uh, Folks, we just experienced some turbulence, which caused some engine troubles on our left wing. Luckily, this jet is equipped with 4 engines, and we still have 3 functional engines! Because of the engine issues we will be arriv
6.
Two math professors are in a restaurantOne argues that the average person does not know any math beyond high school.The other argues that the average person knows some more advanced mathJust then, the first one gets up to use the rest room.The second prof
Two math professors are in a restaurantOne argues that the average person does not know any math beyond high school.The other argues that the average person knows some more advanced mathJust then, the first one gets up to use the rest room.The second prof
7.
A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
A couple were going out for the eveningThey'd gotten ready, all dressed up, cat put out, etc.The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in.They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband
8.
A reverend awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.
He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.
He called the sanitation department, the health department and several other agencies, but no one seemed able
A reverend awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.
He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.
He called the sanitation department, the health department and several other agencies, but no one seemed able
9.
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: “You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise.”The guy b
One day this Swedish guy walks into a dingy little storefront travel agency, holds up a page out of a newspaper, and says: “You say in this ad that you have a voonderful luxury cruise for only $69.95I vant to go on this voonderful luxury cruise.”The guy b
10.
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day.That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of a ten point buck.“Where's Henry?”“Henry had a stroke of some kindHe's a couple of miles back up the trail
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day.That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of a ten point buck.“Where's Henry?”“Henry had a stroke of some kindHe's a couple of miles back up the trail
11.
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,“Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.In a very deep, husky v
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,“Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.In a very deep, husky v
12.
The owner tells him he has good news and bad news.“The good news is that a man dropped by the studio today and put in an offer to buy every single piece. He just wanted my guarantee that the works would be worth twice what he paid if you were to pass awa
The owner tells him he has good news and bad news.“The good news is that a man dropped by the studio today and put in an offer to buy every single piece. He just wanted my guarantee that the works would be worth twice what he paid if you were to pass awa
13.
Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children, then Ted died of Heart Disease:Judy married again and she and Bob had 7 more children.Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later:Again Judy remarried and this time she and John had 5 more childrenJudy fin
Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children, then Ted died of Heart Disease:Judy married again and she and Bob had 7 more children.Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later:Again Judy remarried and this time she and John had 5 more childrenJudy fin
14.
Two hunters pull up to a house to ask a farmer for permission to hunt his land.
When they pull up, one of the hunters walks up to the house and talks to the farmer.
After the hunter asks the question, the farmer says, “I don’t mind at all, but I hav
Two hunters pull up to a house to ask a farmer for permission to hunt his land.
When they pull up, one of the hunters walks up to the house and talks to the farmer.
After the hunter asks the question, the farmer says, “I don’t mind at all, but I hav
15.
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.
Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”.
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.
Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”.
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women
16.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,“If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks,“Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,“If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks,“Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like
17.
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears.
“Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way.
However, g
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears.
“Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way.
However, g
18.
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress.
If you don’t do the following,
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress.
If you don’t do the following,
19.
Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.
However, soon after the weather turned cold, the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
After a short time, ice began to form h
Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.
However, soon after the weather turned cold, the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
After a short time, ice began to form h
20.
Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honoured tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world.
“My Father is better than your Father!” Billy declared.
“No, he’s not!” Johnny responded.
“My brother is better than you
Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honoured tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world.
“My Father is better than your Father!” Billy declared.
“No, he’s not!” Johnny responded.
“My brother is better than you
21.
A farmer from the cotton fields of Central Texas dies and goes to hellWhy? Well, only his wife, God and the Devil knows!Once there, the Devil notices that this farmer is not suffering like the rest there areHe checks his gauges and sees that it's 95 degre
A farmer from the cotton fields of Central Texas dies and goes to hellWhy? Well, only his wife, God and the Devil knows!Once there, the Devil notices that this farmer is not suffering like the rest there areHe checks his gauges and sees that it's 95 degre
22.
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money.
The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public.
But
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money.
The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public.
But
23.
He calls home‘Dad,' he says, ‘you won't believe what modern education is developingThey actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'‘That's amazing!' his Dad says‘How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'‘Just send
He calls home‘Dad,' he says, ‘you won't believe what modern education is developingThey actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'‘That's amazing!' his Dad says‘How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'‘Just send
24.
A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said,
“I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained.
“Tell me some good news for once.”
“Alright, here’s some good news,”
said the secr
A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said,
“I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained.
“Tell me some good news for once.”
“Alright, here’s some good news,”
said the secr
25.
Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the following day.
The next morning, the farmer drove up and said,
“Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donk
Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the following day.
The next morning, the farmer drove up and said,
“Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donk
26.
So I called Joseph, the 14 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.Joseph clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”He replied, “It w
So I called Joseph, the 14 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.Joseph clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”He replied, “It w
27.
He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, “What you gonna do with that? There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”He says, “I won it and I'm a gonna keep it.”His brother came over to visit several days later.
He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, “What you gonna do with that? There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.”He says, “I won it and I'm a gonna keep it.”His brother came over to visit several days later.
28.
Two college students, Desmond and Kurt, were walking on the pavement when they were approached by a beggar asking for money.
Kurt tries to shoo him away, but Desmond takes out his wallet, pulls out a few bills and hands them to the beggar.
The begga
Two college students, Desmond and Kurt, were walking on the pavement when they were approached by a beggar asking for money.
Kurt tries to shoo him away, but Desmond takes out his wallet, pulls out a few bills and hands them to the beggar.
The begga
29.
The guy examines the dog's collar and feels his well-fed belly and knows the dog has a home.The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep.The man thinks its rather odd, but lets him sleep.Aft
The guy examines the dog's collar and feels his well-fed belly and knows the dog has a home.The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep.The man thinks its rather odd, but lets him sleep.Aft
30.
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigateHe then dug a hole and burie
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigateHe then dug a hole and burie
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Eng Jokes